


Even If It's a Lie

by Apparentlynottheoriginalginger



Category: Drake & Josh
Genre: Goodbyes, I'm like not sure why I put so much emotion into this it feels weird now, M/M, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23275003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apparentlynottheoriginalginger/pseuds/Apparentlynottheoriginalginger
Summary: When Drake first met Josh he thought he would love nothing more than to say goodbye to him, but with all they've been through it seems like an impossibility.Drake and Josh say goodbye and Drake laments that he's in love with his step-brother.
Relationships: Josh Nichols/Drake Parker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	Even If It's a Lie

**Author's Note:**

> In an attempt to avoid my least favorite aspect of joke fanfiction I’ve decided to approach this with complete sincerity  
> Also this is based off of a song that I listened to for the first time tonight because I didn’t want to sully my own romantic music with memories of Drake and Josh fanfiction  
> I did however decide that literally paraphrasing my diary was fine so my morals are weird

If you were to have told Drake that his life was going to end up like this he probably would have laughed in your face. When he first met Josh, he thought that he was stuck with him, he thought that life as he knew it was over, but he never anticipated that, the life he had before Josh, the life where Drake stood by himself, was one he would never want back.

“Big day tomorrow.” Josh says plainly.

“Sure is.” Drake says taking a swig out of the bottle of gin they snuck from Walter’s stash. 

The sky was probably unaware of what it was doing to his heart, being so perfect tonight. This was the last time he could do something like this, be with Josh in this way. Sit on the porch in a dark and soundless night as his heart hammered in his ribcage and his hands clenched a bottle with very little strength. 

“I actually really will miss you.” He says turning his head slightly to look at Josh, his face illuminated softly, his eyes glowing, soft and bright. 

“Yeah right.” Josh scoffs. “I’d be surprised if I heard from you once a month.”

Drake’s heart hammered harder as he handed off the bottle. Josh was leaving for John Hopkins tomorrow and life was changing forever once again, this time it was leaving Drake alone. The tip of Drake’s tongue felt heavy, for once he had nothing to say to him, speechless. But Josh, Josh continues on. 

“I bet, you’ll be off with every last hot girl you can find at community college, and you’ll forget my name.”

Drake laughs at that; despite his hands sweating, his heart hammering in his chest, despite all the gin in his brain, he still manages to lie.

“Josh, of course I’ll remember to call you, not that you’ll have time, what with all your important Ivy league classes and internships, you might just forget me all together.” Drake almost whispers the last part.

“You’re my brother Drake, how could I forget you.”

Josh sets the bottle down and Drake watches his hands, right, brothers. His eyes go back to the stars, what a perfect setting for his life’s biggest heartbreak. He can hear Josh breathe from beside him and he wishes for once that he had more confidence or more circumstance, more evidence that he wasn’t alone in this feeling that the earth is shattering. Day will break the spell of night, this blanket of comfort will be ripped away, and he just wants this to be different, he wants Josh to just be a boy he loves, he wants Josh to love him back. 

He realizes that life is unfair like that, Josh is unfair, beautiful and right there, his hands crossed limply over his stomach, head reclined onto the lawn chair, he’s everything Drake had thought of for the last 4 years of his life, and he would leave him as fast as he came. 

“Yeah, yeah of course, I’m unforgettable, plus it’s not like you’ll be able to once I’m famous.”

It’s Josh’s turn to laugh, lifting his head slightly, the moon glinting off his eyes perfectly. 

“I think we’ll both be alright.” Josh says through a small huff, “We’ve made it through way more than college, we’ll make it through.”

Drake wishes he could be so sure, being uncertain was always something Josh did, Drake was the head first jumper, this was the one thing he wished he knew about. He wished that he knew that Josh would update him on his life, keep him in the loop, but he has no idea, Drake had HighSchool, figured out, girls, figured out, he hadn’t tried to figure Josh out, it was impossible. 

“I know man, it’s just... I’ll miss you.” Drake can’t seem to say much else tonight, he feels like he misses him already, like he’s sitting with a phantom. 

Drake feels stupid around Josh a lot, he’s smarter than him, it’s natural, but he really feels like an idiot tonight. Josh is so smart and beautiful, he has his whole future laid out before him, and Drake is falling behind him faster and faster. He felt for Josh immense incomprehensible feelings, Josh would know what to do with these feelings, but without his help, Drake couldn’t help but flounder. 

Drake could write a million songs and he would never feel like enough, he would never match up to Josh. 

“Alright I get it, I’ll miss you too.” 

Without ability to move his feelings freely into the air, to say some big confession or reach over and hold his hand, Drake said words he meant but undercut them, he made them a lie.

“I love you brotha.” I love you Josh. 

Josh looks at him with sincerity and Drake can imagine in his mind that the words carried their meaning, that Josh understood.

“I love you too brotha.” Josh whispers. 

He relishes in the wish, the dream that after this moment, he would be able to reach over and Josh wouldn’t be his brother, that he could kiss him, that he could touch him at all. He leans his head towards the sky, closes his eyes and he’s there, they’re there, forever. Even if it’s a lie, he wants to live it for as long as he can, relish in the presence of Josh, until it all goes away.


End file.
